“Re-imagined” Classic board games (maybe this is true or not… you will never know. lol)


So as  many f you might know some groups are trying to do away with certain videogames due to their content. Sex, drugs, violence… etc

 

So since there has really been no true traction around this movement (except for that one politician that wanted Grandtheft auto banned, but then got caught in a gun and drugs trafficking case oops) 

 

Now they are setting their sites on more innocent and less defended forms of entertainment… the family board games. 

 

First up is Shoots and Ladders.  People felt that the game itself promoted backwards and negative thinking, that kids should not be mentally ravaged by harsh truths of sets backs in life. The newly imagined game is all ladders and as soon as the game is finished being set up, everyone wins! I heard the deluxe edition have tiny “participation” trophies! 

 

Next up is Candyland. People feel it both teaches horrid eating habits and promotes a “non gluten free” diet.  It is now to be Tofuland. Shapes and colors are all the same as the original game except there is no taste.  Kale chip tokens are included. 

 

 

Hungry Hungry hippos is being done away with completely as it promotes Emotional and binge eating.  

 

Life has been revamped to be more “true” to today’s society. Now there is more divorce, substance abuse and you spend move of the game in therapy trying to find out why you were picked last in dodgeball. There are also Iphones to tweet and selfie everything you do. Ducklips not included. 

 

 

 

Battleship has been turned into a drinking game called battleshots. That way there is less promotion of violence because you are too drunk to stay conscious. 

 

 

Clue has also been done away with because it promotes murder and abuse.  Will be replaced with the plot of the “victim’s” identity being stolen and used to buy LED Tvs and Itunes. 

 

Chinese checkers has been done away with because the term “checkers” was deemed racially insensitive. It is now being called “Non descriptive asian-american marbles game”

 

Monopoly as just been renamed “The 1%’er game”

 

Yahtzee has been done away with due to it promoting “habitual gambling tendencies”. Not that I ever tried to roll a hard eight.. lol

 

Othello has been revamped because it came too close to black and white violence. All pieces are grey. 

 

Sorry has been been completely done away with as it taught backstabbing and manipulation to impressionable children. 

 

Catan has been done away with… well because honestly no one really knows how to play catan. lol

 

Operation has been redone. Now you have option of redoing the nose,  giving ass/breast implants and botox. There is also the option of denying coverage for all procedures as they are deemed “elective” or experimental. 

 

Mousetrap is being done away with as it promotes cruelty towards animals. 

 

Scrabble now comes with spellcheck. 

 

Risk doesn’t have  pieces anymore, just turns TV onto CNN. 

 

Kerplunk is being done away with because kids can put out there eye with the sticks. 

 

If I missed any board games please feel free to leave a comment and or email me. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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