Why some people are not allowed to be in public.

Facebook in its infinite wisdom has decided to create a Questions dashboard. Here below are some of the more interesting ones.. and disturbing too lol.   As always.. this gives me an opportunity to flex my creative muscle (stop thinking perverted people! That’s my job!) and make fun of the mentally unhinged. Enjoy!

What is a healthy snack alternative to potato chips?

Bark… High in fiber… just ask Beavers!

What’s a more useful skill to develop if one were to be a wandering man prone to periods of poverty where short-term part-time work may be necessary?

In your case I see a great career future in the following Panhandling. Male prostitution. McDonalds employee of the week.  Test subject for ethically questionable medical company.

Do Christians believe there are aliens from outside of the Earth?

Nope we do not. Aliens are looking for intelligent life on Earth and for some reason they keep running into people like you! Christians according to their doctrine are here to save everyone, including those obviously not worth the effort exerted. Much like yourself.

If you could ask everyone in America to read one book, what book would you choose?

The dictionary! Because for some reason there are those that refuse to learn the proper use of the language and the meaning of its words! (This is not directed specifically at the immigrant people, more the people who ENGLISH is their native tongue!)

How would you convince someone who lived 200 years ago that electrons do exist?

Why would you even conceive of that argument? Obviously if they are here 200 years past their time period they have done one of the following which means they are more advanced than you! Time traveled. Discovered the fountain of youth.  Alien Christians from outer space looking to eat your soul!

What should I listen to while doing the dishes?

Here is a thought.. how about listening out for that garbage disposal? How long does it take you do to wash dishes? Do you really need a playlist or musical score for this?

Would you lower your standards in order to be with someone and avoid being lonely during the holidays?

If you are this ignorant to even ask this, then someone must be lowering THEIR standards to be with you!

What is the contact detail for Megan Fox’s manager/agent?


Which is funnier?

You or the non specific question? I am willing to wager you!

What is the mean average salary of a University of North Carolina graduate at the Bachelor degree level? [all fields/professions combined].

Salaries are mean? I know sometimes they are ludicrous and in some cases outrageous… but mean? Well maybe if you are a WalMart manager, but then again I would think that falls more under a JOKE!

What is good techno music to listen to while working?

Obviously he is a dishwasher and is one step closer to nirvana than the other fellow.

What is your favourite blog?

OOOO!!OOOO!!! I got this one Mista Kotter!  https://societalconfusion.wordpress.com/ (bows at his shameless plug)

What is the meaning of life, the universe, and everything?

Well honestly this is a question asked for ages. I personally feel life’s meaning is what makes you happy. In example, I love  making fun of stupid people!

If you were looking to sublet your room, what websites would you post it to?

Craigslist, rent.com, cometomyroomwherenoonecanhearyourscream.com

Did that thing where people were stealing copyrighted cartoon images for profile pictures end?

Welcome to the internet bub! Chances are someone now has stolen your identity because you are a dildo with ears!

Do feet have an effect on a woman’s attractiveness?

Well I personally think they make them VERY attractive. Seriously, would you want a Christmas tree that does not have a stand?

What makes a great teacher?

Caring, compassion, understanding, personality and the promise of earning at LEAST $80k a year and full medical benefits for putting up with your window licking self entitled brats! (that one is for you Susan, God bless you!)

Would you recommend reading Nabokov’s “Lolita”?

Nope. Though I am sure you will love Memories of a CandyMan from a white panel van!

Is there a facebook bug that deletes friends?

Yep it is called *You are a moron! Click!* (Maria lol)

Are there inexpensive instruments that can detect food spoilage?

Called your eyes and nose you idiot!

oes anyone know of a contact for Amazon to let them know that the reason you are cancelling your account/ending your relationship with them?

You can ask you Ex Girlfriend! I am sure she knows exactly how to dump someone that is not satisfying her with delivery of expectations!

What is the best way to spend 16 days in SE Asia?

Dodging shells from North Korea!

What should I do at the TSA security check?

Ask for a phone number and a cigarette if you smoke!

Why do some people’s profiles look different?

Because your meds are starting to kick in sweetie,  shhh! GO to sleep now.

What can someone tell me of their experience reading “Do Androids Dream of Electric sleep?”.

Makes me want to watch BladeRunner and listen to Rob Zombie!

Are you a dreamer?

Is this the start of a sheep joke?

Do you think the Facebook Questions feature is stupid?

*blink**blink* hA! I so was not the person that I asked this, I swear!

What is the most esoteric ingredient on your shopping list? What are its properties? How do you use it? Where can people purchase it?

Really? You have that much time on your hands you want to philosophically dissect a grocery list and analyze its nothingness of being?

What do you think caused the U.S. Civil War? (An unscientific poll).

Pissed off people wanting to shoot one another?(unscientific answer)

Tea Party Nation founder Judson Phillips asked Sarah Palin to run for RNC Chair. Do you think this would be a mistake for her?

Nope but would be a HUGE mistake for this country!

How to post a status update with a picture? (Asked by Nicole)

Hey I am now single!! *flashes boobs* COME AN GET IT BOYS!!

What are you grateful for at this moment?

Free speech! Stupid people! My Mother for teaching me to always speak the truth!

Is it suggested to change the side that you part your hair every few years or so?

WTF!? Are we rotating the cornrows? Really people do you think about these things before you put them out there?

Do you believe that with current advances in gerontology, biotechnology and nanotechnology we will be able to stop the aging process before 2040?

Ask the dude and his 200+ year old companion he is trying to convince electrons exist! LOL

Do you think it’s appropriate that Taylor Swift is dating Jake Gyllenhaal?

Do you think it appropriate a 50 year old man is asking this question?

What is the best way to deal with people who are habitually late?

Umm here is an idea, kind of crazy thinking. FIRE THEIR ASS!

What’s in a traditional italian christmas dinner?

Screaming, yelling, cursing, alcohol and really great dessert! I have dated a LOT of Italian women! Lol

Is it safe to eat from chipped or cracked dishware?

Only if it is lead based and only if YOU are the one doing it! Idiot.

What do I need to know to choose the best and most cost-effective external hard drive for my MacBook?

OK! Best and cost effective?  Think of this like condoms. Would I buy the dollar store brand or would I spend the extra $5-10 and get some I know I can depend on?

Can you help Candy Lovers everywhere by posting our survey on Candy?

So imagining this guy drives a van! Want to guess the color?

How do you comment on questions?


Is there a way to transfer email saved on an aol email account to Gmail?

That would be called the FORWARD button. (Montrese, does this sound like a familiar question? LOL)

How hard is it to get at the inner workings of a clothes washer?

If you are asking this question you are not qualified and you really do not want to do this. Unless you have excellent healthcare!

Which name for a chocolate ferret? Suggestions?

Tasty? WTF!?

What makes a good friend?

Truth. Honesty. Integrity. Hot Girlfriend. Wait,  what?

Are there coffee beans available online that would serve as a good substitute for the Verona blend made by Starbucks?

Folgers you pretentious asshat!


Posted on December 7, 2010, in humor, life and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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