Weird shit that was said by friends today.

I love all my friends. LOL I am not going to add names to these as I do not want to embarrass.. however they read this and are WELCOME to lay claim!

Something really weird just happened to me. I  just took off my socks and shoes cuz i just got home from work a second ago
and i had a jelly bean in my sock…wtf.  How the hell does that even happen? im really confused as to how the hell it was there.

My Printer died, it was a beautiful funeral.. very tasteful. I need to get a new one now.

My Kid will make your head spin! He asked for my iphone because he needed it… ran upstairs came back and told me to look at it.. he took a pic of his poop. ahh whats a mother to do? 🙂 Say ” Yay no corn!”?

(me saying this) So it was asked of me this weekend if I just needed attention for being the smart ass I was being at the time. My Reply “It is not really attention when you just call me names.. you have to pull my hair and smack my ass at LEAST once!

I just read an Article in china where this guy passed out and his friends shoved a 12inch eel up his rectum and it ate his insides.. He died.. Watch your butt when drinking with friends!

We are a miracle wrapped up in chemicals.

Sometimes I just fantasize about beating the shit out of people!

Doesn’t mind coming to work, but this 8hr wait to go home is some bullshit…

Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately……. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

Wake up in the mornin feelin like P-Diddy.

I am sure he has woken up with a girl named Blueberry and she had a muffin.. err… yeah best I not finish that eh?

XD lmao. No blueberry muffins are better than girls. And if it was a girl, he’d tell her to MAKE HIM A SAMMICH!

Girls are ALWAYS better than sandwiches. They are not as high in fat and cholesterol and you can always have as many as you.. wait nevermind.

And its “sammich” not “sandwich”. Lol xD Go for the low-fat girls. In the cupcake aisle.

Sorry I am not the cute speak person often. I fail I know.. mmm cupcakes.. does this mean there are some women out there with frosting?

Yessir! But theyre usually hookers.

No.. those are tarts!

Resolution #1: stop calling my Kindergarteners “Little Fockers” (me and another teacher at my school have been saying this long before the movie came out–not in front of them, of course!)
How you gonna take a female out to mc donalds for a first date order off the dollar menu and make her pay 50 cent.
Imagine that a fake ID to get into bartending school….there is a joke there i know
Best quote of the day so far- some people exist just to serve as a warning to others

Posted on January 4, 2011, in humor, life and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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