Monthly Archives: May 2011

Give me all your whipped cream and no one gets hurt!


So I was reminded of the time I was a manager for a local grocery store working on 3rd shift. I was walking up one of e frozen food aisles when I turned the corner and 2 stoners were show ing cans of whipped cream down their pants and looking side to side hoping not to get caught. Now being the size I am I can still move quickly and quietly when I want. Needless to say I walked up right behind them and leaned against the end cap freezer.

Just as they were pulling their shirts down to conceal the cans I spoke up very calmly but loud enough to be heard. “OK, NOW YOU CAN PUT THEM BACK ON THE SHELF WHERE YOU FOUND THEM AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY STORE!”

Without even looking back they proceeded to put them back slowly. One guy tried to pull his shirt down after putting only three back and started to walk away. “ALL of them!” Out came three more. “Now empty your fucking pockets!”

They began to profusely apologize, borderline crying/freaking out as they dumped all their crap on the nearby doughnut table.

Trash, packs of candy, a pack of cigarettes and a condom ( I didn’t ask). Ok take everything you did not steal! At this point they were literally tearing up wanting to get the fuck out. I am cracking the fuck up inside .

They grabbed the trash and the condom but left the candy and smokes. I told them to get walking and never come back in pointing at the camera above them. “I got your faces and the crap you took on camera now and if I see you in here, your asses are going to jail!”

They took off running out as I grabbed the candy and smokes. I walked up as they were rounding the front door and the cashier looked at me oddly. While explaining what had happened I noticed the pack was rather light for a full pack and the top plastic was gone. I opened the top and saw half a pack of cogs and $40 dollars. Needless to say the cashier lost it and was in tears laughing as I put the money in the donation jar (I think it was breast cancer that month) .

Ironic how they came in to rob me and in turn ended up getting robbed themselves!