I started the weekend off by finding several bags of “worry dolls” at my work place. According to the instructions you are to tell each doll one worry and sleep with it under your pillow. Dear Doll, I am worried I might rollover and inhale you thus chocking to death in my sleep, therefore I am must regrettably decline this offer and just bitch and complain like the rest of the normal human race!
I get home finally from a long week and get ready to go out!
So my fiancee decided she wanted to go shopping with her gift cards she got for her birthday.
We started off the night by going to a local texmex restaurant where she had 2 of these drinks that were referred to as Coronaritas.
We then leave and go to Target, needless to say fun ensued lol.
As we are walking through the women’s section I noticed this. Needless to say I have this overwhelming urge to dress like a lion for some reason to stalk it’s prey! lol
We then walk through the makeup section where I happen to look up and see this picture of a woman. Tell me.. .am I crazy or does she look like she just gave fellatio to a pumpkin?
We check out and she has to go to the bathroom. As I am waiting I noticed this woman standing at the registers waiting for someone in the bathroom and when she turned her hair looked as if she had tried to dye it with a highlighter marker! Unfortunately she turned before I could get a good pic.
We leave there and go to WalMart to get groceries.
So as I was checking out at I had this very oddball woman get behind me as my fiancee walked away to go check out something elsewhere. She started to laugh and when I turned she said the card she was buying “was the funniest thing she ever saw”. She then proceeded to motion it towards me like “Read it asshole!”, I read it and gave a obligatory chuckle. She then proceeded to tell me “when she first read it that she nearly peed her pants it was so funny!”
At this point I reposition myself so as to not have my back at this waking squirrel bait and at that moment the man in front of me moves up a cart length. Before I can even move she grabs the handle of my cart and pushes it forward for me as she tells me the man she was buying the card for she really wanted to get shoes for, but his girlfriend did not get his hint so she was not able to get him Birkenstocks (are those still around?),
At this point I ponder pointing at her and screaming loudly STRANGER DANGER, SHE TOUCHED ME IN THE NO-NO PLACE! About this point my fiancee walks back up and I stop myself as she really hates when I embarrass her in public. Lol
We the pay out and leave, while leaving I quickly told her the entire story and she looks back quickly. She thens says “Oh fuck, move! She is walking right at us behind us!” lol
Posted on May 7, 2012, in humor, life, stupid people and tagged alcohol, candy, farm animals, food, humor, hunting, irony, karma, kinky, laws, Learning, life, men, news, questions, sarcasm, sex, shoes, shopping, stupid people, technology, women, WTF. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.