Going to see Mom on her Birthday

So recently i went back to my home town to Celebrate my Mother’s birthday. She is 35 for the 30th time, ha.  As always situations present themselves that I as an observer am obligated to report to you my readers!

As I was leaving DC I cam across two very interesting (sarcasm) individuals.

The first was an older lady who was feeling very haphazard with her shiny little Mini-cooper. Decides to race past me and cut  over in front of my truck barely missing my front end by 3 feet without a signal, to get to the right turn she almost missed.  This I am sure is not very surprising to some of you I am sure. What is interesting is the fact she was rocking the “Coexist” bumper sticker on her left back and the license plate “goinpce” (go in peace).  Both excellent beliefs for someone completely oblivious to road etiquette and general safety for fellow drivers! Pardon me… DRIVER, since she and I were the only ones on that road and there was no one behind me.

This was shortly made up to me by pulling up next to a cute redhaired lady and as she pulled away i noticed her license plate as well.  DPIMPACT. (deep impact).  

So fast forward three hours and 200 miles later I am in my hometown.  Mom wants to go out and run some errands while I am there.

Driving down the highway I look over and see something that I myself found amusing but that may just be because I am twisted. LOL

There by the side of the road was a Liquor store and right next to it was a Jiffy lube (oil change shop). Proudly displayed between the two businesses was a sign that in bog bold letters said “CHOICE IS GOOD!”

Little further down the road there were assorted signs for local businesses stating their new opened status and some there many years of welcomed customer appreciation.  One of the new ones was “Smoking Butt BBQ” (cue Johnny Cash’s Ring of fire song), one of the older ones was a lumber company that offers different kinds of wood. Sanded, stained or DRESSED? Why do I see some man out there right now handing a 2×4 to his daughter with all these dresses and tiny sportwear instead of a Barbie?!


So we stop at a few grocery stores.

The first one I walk in and the first thing I see is this sign! This is an excellent deal…. if I knew wtf it was for?! Maybe this was the civer charge when the door man is there?


I then come across this delicacy in a can…. or as I like to call it “Turd on a bun”! I do not care if it is “ranch” style, I do not even want to imagine what ranch they scooped this up from!



Walk down a bit and ironically I see this sign! The young lady standing next to it did not see the humor when I asked f I might lick her!



With this next find I might be climbing up on my soap box a bit here. I am all about the advancement of human race with modern conveniences, but come on people! Since when do we need to buy single serve ketchup packets in the store???? have we really become so accustomed to  things being made easy for us that we have to have everything made easier?




This right here is an example of one of my biggest pet peeves. Paying attention to small details.  The regular price is higher than the sale price? LOL



So my mom asked if i would go with her to pick out a nice bird bath for my Grandmother because she loves to watch the birds. While we were there I pointed out how the store had a good assortment or large hard cocks! She laughed for a solid 10 minutes.


Speaking of which I came across this at the walgreens down the street! This is for the more sexually active people! ha!




So fast forward a few days and I am gearing up to leave and stop to get gas. As  I am there it just started to rain cats and dogs! Suddenly coming around the pump was a young woman that was well endowed and wearing a sheer tanktop.  Needless to say I was not expecting a wet tshirt contest at the local gas and go! haha

Leaving I passed by a transport for a farm and all i could think is “That’s how they roll!” heh




Posted on July 5, 2013, in humor, life, stupid people and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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