Stories from Mom

So I was reminded the other day about the stories my mom used to tell me about her life before she was cursed with me(kidding folks she loves me to death lol).

She mentioned one time that she worked in the incoming bay for the local emergency room and had many an assorted tales.

The first one was her first month in the “hotseat” when she received the call that the EMTs were inbound and to have an OR and surgeon ready.  Of course she has to clarify the reason in which to call on this so she asked the EMT what was the nature of the emergency.  He replied after a short pause “Just tell them he is bleeding and badly!”, after a few minutes of back and forth trying to clarify the nature of the injury unsuccessfully  she alerted the trauma people and doctor on call all of which were asking the same as she kept trying to determine “What was the injury!?”.  Finally the ambulance rolls up to the bay and they pull out the injured man who is covered in a blood soaked sheet most of which was concentrated in the crotch region.

Seem this mans wife came home early and caught him cheating. She then proceeded to take a shotgun and (pardon the pun) blow it off!

A while later she got another call for a surgeon but this one was actually relayed in detail. Seem this time the man fell asleep and his wife knew he was cheating on her. So she spread super glue all over his penis and proceeded to pull it up and attach it to his stomach!

When working the morning shift she had a woman come in with twin boys.  When she asked for the kids names the Mom  proudly said Orangejello and Lemonjello (of course I cannot convey the accents on the name here). Her first reaction was “Beg your pardon?” her co-worker dealing with this woman before came over and typed in the names and low and behold there they were.  The woman and named her children after her two favorite flavors of Jello!

The one that got me the most though was when she worked for Best products (think of an upscale sears). One day she was placed in the toy department due to them being short staffed. A man approached her and was looking for a gift for his son.  She asked him what he was interested in or did the man have something specific in mind.  The man then replied “I am looking for an erection set!”. She then quickly went to the back to “look for the toy” and proceeded to die laughing!  After she finally regained her composure she asked one of the male associates to please assist the man finding an ERECTOR set  as she could not face him without laughing at him looking for an erection set! The male associate walked out on the floor giggling but professional enough to get the man his purchase and get him gone!


Posted on October 14, 2013, in humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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