Chatty fucking Cathy and her life in a nutshell


So as most of you know I like to take trips to see family and friends in my hometown. Well there is a new “watering hole” that we decided to check out. 

As we waited for our food I could NOT help but hear this young girl behind us who talked the entire hour 

 

Among the 9 million subjects she verbally hurled at her friend I that spoke maybe 4 times during the conversation, these are the more interesting ones. 

 

I love to flirt with girls because it is fun, not because I am looking to do anything!”  So you are a tease…. yeah you are going to have a very hard life very soon. 

Then she moved onto the guy she recently broke up with and decided to give another chance to. \\

“So we were going to a  Virginia tech game and he told me to dress casual comfortable! So I put on my favorite UVA softball shirt and shorts! He came and picked me up and said “WTF are you wearing!? We are going to  VA tech game!?”  So I tell him “Well you should have told me not to wear this!”  

Not sure how many of you follow college level sports but University of Virginia and Virginia Tech ( UVA and VT) are bitter rivals. So you can understand why one would not wear said apparel to the rival school UNLESS they are playing said rival. Which in this case sounded like it was not the team being played. 

She then went on to say “Then afterwards we went to his friend’s house where they played Madden for almost 2 whole hours. I just sat there staring at him like this (the only damn time she was quiet the whole convo). I was so bored and he finally has the nerve to ask me whats wrong! I told him I thought we were going to hang out but all hes doing is playing videogames! I mean if he wants to show me off to his friends I dont mind because I love being shown off, but sitting there with nothing to do is ridic! I told him this was his last chance and he blew it!”  This man obviously has no clue the huge bullet he dodged better than Neo on his best day in the Matrix!

 

She then went to “Man I must be a good drinker, I can’t feel the alcohol in this drink! I need another!” Waiter comes over a minute or so later. “You ladies ready for a SECOND Bud lite?”  Ok so I do not drink, but a bud lite not buzzing you does not make you a power drinker!

 

After the waiter left she starts up again! “I had this girl tell me she had a girl crush on me and tried to kiss me! I was like that’s nice but I don’t swing that way! What would make you think that!” Recall the earlier part of the story… and now you see why I had to post about this woman! 😀

 

“Oh I forgot to tell you the other night I was dancing with this guy and he was bending me all back and stuff trying to kiss all up on my neck! I was like oh Hell no! I cannot go back to the dorm with hickeys because they check you for that to see if they can bust you!” Ok So this makes me realize she is in a Christian school. Oh Irony you wicked vixen!

 

 

Then she starts talking about how she rates men. “Well if I am going to date a guy they have to hit a certain percentage to be considered! Like all guys get at least 70% right off the bat! If they have blue or green eyes they get 20%. They get 30% if they have abs! I make guys show me their stomachs before I will go out with them! I wont date a guy unless they have abs! (wow shallow much?) If they’re in  Christian band they get automatic 25%!” So her ideal perfect man rates at 125%. I am guessing Math is not a requirement in this relationship.  

So after an hour of all these random comments and such I hear her say “Sorry I eat so slow! I guess I just love to enjoy my food!” Or maybe if you shut the fuck up and talk less you can masticate faster! On a side note she was eating hotdogs. Have fun psycho analyzing that one kids! 😀

They finally finish and get up to leave where I can now get a good luck at “Miss Representin’!” .  Around steps this VERY plain looking and very pale white woman wearing a blue sequin shirt and jeans she looks like she was shoe horned into! It was all I could do to keep from laughing as she squeaked by, due to her pants being so tight she could barely walk. 

At this point I said to G “I wanted to slip her a drug just to shut her the fuck up! She was like someone pulled the string too hard on Chatty Cathy and got her stuck in the on position!” 

Needless to say that was the highlight of the evening… well except the two “shot girls” that were walking around with skirts so short they needed to shave very closely to wear them…. but that is a story for another time!

 

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Posted on September 30, 2014, in humor, life, stupid people and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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